Every Little Helps Apparently...

Don't get me wrong 90% of the time I really don't mind my job, and do actually have a good time most Sunday's 'Whats A Lasagne Sheet?' but I really do worry about some of our customers and the things they come out with:

• 'You look bored so I thought I'd give you something to do!' - No really Im fine thanks, Please just go away and let me sit here peacefully contemplating life.
  


• 'Are you open?' - No love im just sitting here for the pure fun of it, I couldnt think of a better way to spend my Sunday.
  Or the other hand...
  'Are You Open?' - Well considering my gates shut and Im walking away from my till Im not funnily enough.
  


• 'Do You Work Here?' - In the words of Alan Carr 'No I dont; I woke up today and thought fuck it it's summer! Im going to stick on these polyester slacks and wear this badge as a broach!'
  


• 'How Much Longer Have You Got To Go?'....'Ummm 4 Hours'.....'Oh Not Long Then!' - Im sorry what? Have you tired sitting at a till for 6 hours? My guess is no you havent so please dont tell me 4 hours is not long; you can leave in 5 mins, I have to spend the rest of the day being polite to idiotic customers!
  


• TRUE STORY: 'Im sorry I couldnt find any cheese sauce would you be able to get some for me?...'yeah sure I wont be a miniute'....I come back...'This is the only one I could find for you'.....'Oh sorry I cant have that I wanted 4 cheese sauce not a 3 cheese sauce!' - OH PLEASE JUST FUCK OFF YOU'RE TAKING THE PISS NOW!
  


• 'Wheres.......' - Right next to you/Right there where the MASSIVE sign is/Next to you....USE YOUR EYES!
  
  
• 'Oh LOL HAHAHAHA Is That My Nectar Card HAAHAHA Silly Me! - Oh God

My Sundays usually consist of the following:

• Ignoring the low paper warning as it appears about a week early.
  
  
• Conemplating becoming a monk after become extremely patient with stupid customers.
  
  
• Stealing barcodes of fruit that normally doesnt have the privalidge of having their own barcode i.e. a gold pineapple.
  
  
• Keeping a store of £5 notes topgive to nice customers as its normally a suprise to find any at the start of a shift.
  
  
• Starting to memorize alot of PLU numbers and barcodes for stuff e.g. 1106 - garlic, 55 = a lemon, 710 = a lime etc...
  
  
• Wondering why the till believes that the only things people by in 2's are bacon, mince meat and batteries.
  
  
• Asking people TOO many questions.
  
  
• Opening carrier bags for customers who find it an impossible task 'These bags have got thin, they're much better in Morrisons' 'GO TO MORRISONS THEN!'
  
  
• Wondering why everything seems to be my fault 'WHY HAVE YOU MOVED THE BUTTER!!!' ... 'Oh sorry I did that deliberately just too piss you off'
  
  
• Being excited when a glass jar of something drops off the belt, and when you get taken off for your break.
  
  
• Spending 10 mins reading the Team 5 sheet that I've already read to get off a till for a few minutes.
  
  
• Wishing I could just void things myself as it would save alot of customers telling me theyre going to complain.
  
  
• Alternating the items I scan so I don't have to wait for the delay on the scanner.
  
  
• Trying to make customers reciepts as long as possible by scanning every single item individually.
  
  
• Wondering why customers ask me for permission to go and get items they've forgotten 'Can i go and get some milk?'...'No sorry'.
  
  
• Feeling sick when people bring heart and liver through my till.
  
  
• Acting as normally as possible whenever somebody buys either: a pregnancy test, or condoms. Or if two middle aged men come to your till with a big shop, and they're obviously not just mates.
  
  
• Considering having a quick nap.
  
  
• Giving customers who are idiots all their change in coins even though I have enough notes just to show them I mean business!
  
  
• Playing around with anything you can find on your till whilst waiting for a customer, including the hand scanner, drawing on on till roll, the belt+dividers, the green and red lights above the till, till roll, PLU lists, scanning anything that has a barcode on like the school vouchers, the printer, lowering and raising the seat, spinning round on the seat and the buttons for the belt.
  
  
• Making my break last for as long as possible.
  
  
• Taking forever to do put backs so I don't have to go back on the tills.
  
  
• Getting stared at by small children who think Im doing the bestest job ever...If only they knew!

Ah its a wonderful life at times. I really cannot wait to move on to bigger and better things such as Kerrang! or Rock Sound.